Well done good and faithful servant

A tribute letter to my dad:

Daddy, 
words cannot describe how thankful I am for you and everything that you gave to our family. Growing up there was never a day that went by that you didn't greet me with a big hug and a "Hi poopy" when you got home. I loved how every weekend you came in the house after mowing the lawn and would lean over the recliner to give mom a big kiss even though you were gross and sweaty. Yes she would pull away and say, "Ew go shower!" But each time you left the room she had a big smile on her face. The love that you two had and still have inspires me with my future marriage; to live a life of love to pass on to my children. 

Dad, you were and still are my #1 fan. I always could count on you and mom to be sitting in the stands to watch my volleyball matches. Even if it meant you two had to wake up at 4 in the morning to take me down to Albany for an ALL DAY tournament. Now that is dedication. Not once did you complain, because I knew you secretly loved being with all the parents and cheering us on. Your joy and love of life makes me smile. At brother's baseball games, you were always known as Coach Pat, because you would be giving pointers and encouragement to the boys before they headed to the plate; giving them that confidence to succeed. It's because of you and mom, that brothers and I have made it to where we are today. 

Being crafty and artistic was one thing you and I had in common. We loved coloring together and designing school projects. Even if it meant that you had to stay up until midnight to help me bake a cake that was shaped like the state of Oregon. And yes I know you loved every minute of it. 

You worked three jobs at one point, ate tic tacs for lunch because you were always on the go, had the least expensive car in the family, and not once did you ask for anything in return. If there is one person who would die a young death to strengthen their family, it would be you. We are taught as children of God to live a life like Christ. Well daddy, you won the prize. Job well done good and faithful servant. Because of your death, we have endured the hardest times of our lives, but I thank God everyday for them because they give me depth, and now I can use my story to help others. 

I'm not gonna lie dad, I wish you were here with me. I have to put aside my selfish heart and remember that you are standing beside the King of Kings in Heaven in a beautifully restored body. You're playing baseball with the pros of the past, eating dinner with your parents, and driving the car of your dreams. I don't want to cry for you anymore daddy, because I know your happy. You lived such a selfless life, and I strive to be just like you. No more tears, but only happy thoughts. 

Thank you papa for loving me with an everlasting love. I can feel it grow each and every day that goes by. I can close my eyes and see you smiling back at me. Dad, I promise I am going to fight with everything I have to beat this disease. You have taught me what it means to be a fighter, and as a Donohue, losing is not option. 

I love you with all my heart dad. Thank you for living such a beautiful legacy that continues to inspire us all. And as I know Jesus would say, "Well done good and faithful servant."

The fight

A few years ago I thought I was invincible to everything but as the years have gone by my thoughts on that have most definitely changed...

I have always read and heard stories about people being spiritually attacked but I never thought that with having Christ as my Savior that could happen. This past week has gone against everything I have believed. It can be when you are at your strongest point in your faith that Satan chases you down and grabs a hold of you. For me it came out of the blue. I have been on top of my health, filled with so much joy, and loving where my life is going. Over the course of this week I have just felt off and I wasn't understanding why. I lost all energy to go out. I had no desire to get out of bed. I just wanted to sleep and honestly not wake up. Every evil thought was filling my mind and making me absolutely disgusted with myself. I would look at myself in the mirror and hate everything I saw. I didn't even bother trying to talk myself out of it because I believed it all. 

Yesterday, I had the day off, and went for a run to clear my mind. As I was out, I had the urge to visit my dad's grave. I am so blessed to live so close to see him. As I rounded the corner of the cemetery I caught sight of his beautiful gravestone glistening in the sun. My ipod stopped playing, I took a look around to see if anyone was there, and then placed my hand on his name. It still takes a minute for it to sink in when I see his birthdate and date of death. As I sat on the damp grass, a moment of peace filled my heart. The fog was rolling in from the hills, I sat there...and nothing mattered. I was with my dad and every care and every worry ran out of my mind.  

As the day went on my state of depression grew worse and worse. My mom called me on her break to see how I was doing, and I just balled my eyes out. Nothing could stop the hurt and the tears from pouring out of my eyes. She gave me words of encouragement but I just couldn't listen. I believed it to all be a lie. I had texted some of my best friends and mentors to pray for my heart that day. God bless them all. They filled me with the most encouraging words and blessings. 

"Praying for you! You're doing amazing and getting healed from the inside out. Try doing a day of thanks...Thanking Jesus for all the good things in your life and thank him for the weight gain. It is a good thing...Satan is trying to turn your success into a failure by bringing dark thoughts. Psalms 3:3 But you Lord are a shield around me, my glory. The one who lifts my head high." Let him lift your head high!"

"I hope you know all the people that love you and how much I love you and beautiful you are inside and out. You're such a fighter and I know you're going to conquer this disorder and you'll be back on top. When I get home we're gonna get you outta the house and you can love and breathe again."

"I'll be praying for sure! You are such a beautiful person and have been an inspiration to me and so many others. Reading your blog had encouraged and uplifted me. You are not a quitter, you never have been a quitter! I love when people ask me how Shannon is doing because I love saying, "She is doing great! And you are! Love you Shan."

It's moments like this that make me invision my heavenly father beating the crap out of Satan. Pinning him to the ground and saying, "Not this time Satan! I've got her in my arms and you're not taking her from me! She is my beautiful daughter and you can never take that away from her!"

Lord Jesus, you are the love of my life and continue to fight my daily battles for me. I look to you for strength and ask that you lift my head high. I am not a quitter and I have come too far to turn back now!  Help me to finish this race Jesus. Guard my life and rescue me.