My enemy is this disease. For the past week and a half I have been abiding by my eating plan. At first it was no big deal but as the days progress my mind fills with doubt. I begin to see myself as a failure and question why I am even doing this. It's when those questions come to me that I immediately start to pray. "God rid these evil thoughts from my head!" I am beautiful in his sight and that's all that matters.
When you are hit with a struggle such as this, you try and find the reason behind it. Was it my father's death? Was I born with this? You can question yourself all you want, but the truth comes down to sin. Sin eats away at each and everyone of us every day until the day we die. It's the sad truth. In my case I was very vulnerable when this all began. For me high school was a test. It was one of the most crucial moments in my life thus far. All I cared about was acceptance, and trying to"find myself." But really, do we ever find ourselves? There is no right answer, but one thing I do know is, that because of these dark times, I have found myself in Jesus. Instead of trying to do everything on my own, I have giving him full reign of my life. No more trying to control the situation or the people in my lives.
Control goes all the way back to Eden. Unfortunately it is part of a woman's nature. We are "fixers." When you face insecurities of any kind you use various tactics to make sense of your lives to achieve some form of stability. It can also takes on the form of love. We try and fix those around us to make them "better people." Are we really helping the person or does it all boil down to creating significance in our lives?
Julie Clinton, a local Christian author wrote," Other people's lives belong to Him, so we shouldn't try and take them into our own hands." Its time to step aside and stop trying to fix things. Give it all to God.
Lord,
I ask that you continue to speak to my heart. Help me with my controlling nature. I give all of myself to you. You have full reign of my life, and I desperately seek your help. Heal me Lord God and guide me back to the path that you have set out before me. I trust in you with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. Whenever doubt comes my way I will refuse it!!!
"You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you." Song of Soloman 4:7
"You, Lord, do not see as People see. People look at my outward appearance, but you look at my heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
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