Monday, September 24, 2012

Recovery comes first.

Today was the day for my doctors appointment and when I woke up my nerves got the best of me. There was so much that I needed to find out and it's just the not knowing what to expect that was eating away at me. Despite my nerves I'm sick with a sinus infection which is just fabulous. So needless to say, I felt like crap this morning. But to boost my spirits, I made sure that I talked to God before I left the house. I would need his hand to hold to get me through this.

Let me just say how much I love my brother Stephen. He drops everything to help you when you're going through a rough time. He made sure to accompany me today for love and support. I am so incredibly blessed.

Walking into the doctor's office was a little surreal. The last time I stepped through those doors was with my dad when he was sick. All of those moments slowly started coming back, but unlike in the past, I didn't shove them in the back of my mind. I smiled and accepted those memories.

Filling out the paperwork was odd. Who knows when the last time I saw a doctor was? Question after question, "are you allergic to any medications, any heart problems, etc." But the question that hit the heart was having to write down the age and cause of my father's death. Theres nothing more real then seeing it on paper.

After the paperwork, the doctor was finally ready to see me. It's my best friend's dad, so I knew I was in good hands. First thing was the weigh in. Not ready for this. I made sure to tell the nurse ahead of time I could not look at the scale and I couldn't know the number. She was very understanding. Next up was time with the Doc. He came in happy as ever, and made me feel like I was in my own house. I have known this man practically my whole life, so sitting down and talking with him was like being with an old friend; but this time, for a more serious reason. He started off by telling me how proud he was that I sought out help. That is the first step to recovery. He then wanted me to tell him how long I have struggled with this and what things have come from it, such as the no period, hair loss, irregular heart beat, and so on. After expressing what was on my heart, he set my heart at ease, saying how all of this was reversible.

The things that he is mainly concerned with are my heart, bone density, electrolyte count, and my protein intake. When you are depriving your body of the proper nutrients, it starts taking muscle mass away from your heart to survive. Your bones become brittle and because your heart is failing, you start to lose electrolytes. Just hearing this scared the crap out of me. How did I get to this point? I hate going to the doctor and here I am because of my own doing. I should be a healthy 22 year old girl loving life, and here I am in an examining room getting prescribed for another form of Prozac. Never did I think I would hit this low. But if it were not for the love and support from my doctor, family, friends, and of course Jesus, I would not be getting help.

After going over my prescription, it was time to test the heart. He listened intently and told me to take big deep breaths. With a smile on his face he said, "well it looks like your heart put on a good face today. It sounds great." Praise Jesus!

Next up were the blood tests. I hate this, but I knew it needed to be done. I was just hoping it wouldn't be like my last hospital visit where the nurse forgot to put the IV cap back on and blood was spurting out the top. Not pleasant, at all. This time however, was painless! I honestly could not even feel the prick. Praise Jesus again! Now it's just the waiting to hear back about my test results. Prayers are much appreciated. I just ask that no permanent damage has been done and like the doctor said, everything can be reversed.

My next step in this process is making an appointment with a dietician and psychologist. Thank the Lord that my health insurance will take care of all of this. God has been so good to me with taking care of the financial part. He has provided in every way possible and not once have I had to worry about paying for something. God bless my doctor. He would not accept a form of payment for my visit today. It just goes to show that people out there do have a heart for the Lord and today my doctor glorified God in every way by showing such an act of kindness.

To everyone in my life, thank you for being honest with me and telling me to get help. Thank you for being a friend and telling me that I don't look healthy. I'm sorry for shoving you aside because you were telling me something I did not want to hear. I am so so sorry.

I thank Jesus that my appointment went so well. Thank you Lord for granting me serenity and filling my heart with hope. Today I need to rest to gain my strength back so I can get back on the floor tomorrow at work and glorify God in every way. I ask for prayer regarding these next steps I need to take. May the spirit of the Lord hover over me and guide me on the straight path to recovery. Thank you father for bringing me out of this darkness and never leaving my side.



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