The Beauty of Death

In the past 4 years I will have witnessed three family members enter the kingdom of Heaven. Never being exposed to death before, my first account was by far the most horrific, precious, and life-altering experience of my life. The first being my daddy. That day will forever haunt me. I remember the looks on everyone's face as we slowly watched our best friend leave this earth to be with Jesus. It was beautiful.

Death is the strangest thing. You never know how someone is going to pass. With my dad it was so fast, all of the memories jumble together. I do however remember looking in his eyes and seeing death take over. It was almost as if I could see the blindness hinder his sight; very similar to people who develop cataracts in their older years. His eyes were just staring at the ceiling; looking into a world only he could see.

Most people hope to God that they never have to witness someone they love dearly pass away, but for me, I count it as a blessing and the most precious moment in my life. My father was able to see me enter this world and I was holding his hand as he left mine.

This past March my grandma left us to be with the Lord. As a resident at the assisted living home, she experienced Heaven and death in many different ways; some very similar to my dad. She would often stare at the ceiling and have conversations with people only she could see. My dad did the exact same thing before he passed. There were times when I would be cradling him like a child because he grew anxious, saying things like, "please not yet."

Toward the end of my grandmother's life she would tell me how she would see my dad and he promised that everything was going to be alright. I knew that he would be standing at the gates of Heaven awaiting her arrival.

As for my grandpa, it's been a little bit different of an experience. I feel comfortable enough with death that in a way I have embraced it; yet still watching someone struggling to breath and living in a body that is just skin and bones is wearing on the soul. It's at that point that you just lay the hand of God on their lives and pray that the Lord takes them peacefully in their sleep.

Last night we all stood around my grandpa, making him as comfortable as possible. As the chaplain read from John 11, I glanced over at my sweet grandpa's face remembering all our memories growing up. It amazes me, thinking back to a few months ago when I was carrying on a conversation with him about how much I loved my job, and here we are now, watching him slowly slip out of our lives.

He spoke very little but when he did we listened closely. Struggling, he managed to get out, "the sand is gone." We had no idea if it was the morphine talking or if he was coherent, but my uncle stood back amazed.

"How profound...he's referring to the sands of time."


I would not trade these moments for anything. Yes they are extremely difficult, but again, they are precious moments that God has blessed us with to strengthen our soul.

I love you daddy, grandma, and grandpa. I thank God that he let me sit by your side as you left this world to enter a new home where no sin, pain, or suffering exists; Only happiness, love, and joy. May God keep you safe in his arms.

Last night was the last time I will ever hold my grandpa's hand. As I left the room, I told him how much I loved him, and he nodded and said, "I love you too. Night night."

Night night sweet grandpa. Sleep well and rest in peace.

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."