I met with my counselor today and poured out my heart. For the past couple of weeks it has been really hard to come to grips with the weight gain. I've had to change out my favorite pair of designer jeans, and let me tell you...it was not easy. Instead of giving them away, knowing I will never fit in them, I tucked them away in my wardrobe so I wouldn't be tempted. When I told Shirley this, she questioned why I didn't just trash them. I stopped and thought about it...why hadn't I thrown them away or donated them to a charity? It is because a small part of me hoped I would fit back into them again. Maybe I would have a relapse and lose a bunch of weight...or so I had hoped. No! Ted was not going to win this time!
Shirley and I came up with a game-plan. I was going to destroy those jeans. Instead of giving them away I was going to make them suffer. Ever thing I did to those pair of jeans would symbolize what Ted has done to my life. I would burn them, stomp on them with mud, slash them with scissors out of anger and hatred to all of the pain that Ted has caused me. I was determined to take something hideous like my eating disorder and turn it into something beautiful. So those pair of jeans would become an abstract piece of artwork that would be displayed in a shadow box to celebrate my recovery. The quote that will be part of the piece was inspired by 1 Corinthians 13:11,Paul says, "when I became a man, I put away childish things." Just like Paul put away his childhood, I will now put mine to rest as well. By letting my jeans go, I am accepting the stages of becoming a woman. I am putting my past, my pain, and my father's death to rest.
So goodbye Ted. You will no longer have any power over me.
P.S. I will post the final pictures from my project this week. Stay tuned.
No comments:
Post a Comment